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Train, Say your prayers, and eat your vitamins

This is the best music video ever.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GGuhZvO1DKg

Conversations with an Iraqi

A few years ago I lived in Chicago. Chicago is an interesting place for many reasons. One reason, among many, is that you have the fortune of meeting people from all over the world. You get really great perspective on world events. Today I was listening to NPR and I was hearing an interview with an Egyptian guy sharing his views on Mubarak's regime change. He's among many egyptians' that feel Mubarak leaving is a horrible thing. Despite the things Mubarak has done, with Mubarak in power a lot of Egyptians feel like there is more security, protection, and certainty for their country. I had this same conversation with an Iraqi about Saddam being removed when that all went down. My Iraqi friend felt it was better that people feared for their life because people were controlled. People who are oppressed get used to it. Its a bit of comfort. It becomes the new normal, despite people being tortured, and all the money dissapearing. The guy being interview wasn't just unhappy, he was angry.

As I was listen to this interview and thinking about how insane that was, I couldn't help but think about our everyday lives. How often do we say I can leave the comfort of what I've been conditioned to say is the new normal. I don't know what you struggle with, but don't settle for comfort.

The second half of the interview was of a young Egyptian. He was asked what he felt about this whole ordeal. His response was inspiring. He said we wanted something and we got it for the first time ever. For the first time in an Arib world we got what we wanted. There is a better life out there for us free of oppression from whatever keeps you down. Holy Spirit bring freedom just ask him to, and walk out of the mess. This was a bit preachy, but whatever you didn't have to read it. :)

Pioneer? Really?

It seems like the pattern for me is becoming clear. Over the past couple of years I start something, and then I'm called to move on again to the next thing. In the past four years I've lived in countless places, and done different ministries. I think this is the first time I have stayed in one place for more than six months. To be honest, its not the greatest experience. Audra and I really want to sink our teeth into something and stick somewhere. I just want to finish something. I think its just a season we are in.

With that in mind, the next month is going to be the start of crazy time. I'm doing landscaping, full time classes at U.N.F, and pioneering a campus ministry that has grown 50% in the past four months. By 50% I mean went from being just me, to Audra and I. Balancing all of that can be a bit overwhelming for me. I have a one tracked mind. It's not great for balance. You can ask my wife. As, I was thinking about starting something again and managing all that, something dawned on me. God has always been doing something, and he is just asking me to be a part of it. I dont really have to pioneer anything. I just get to join in with what he is already up to. On paper this might not make sense to someone who is type A. He has been in the work of redeeming all of life for some time now, and I can never actually do that. I think I was subtly reminded by God today that this is his work, and he will complete what he wants to. Im not a pioneer, I'm just a partner.

Chicago Bound

Audra and I are headed up to Chicago this weekend to hang out with our Chi town friends. Chicago is the best place to visit in July. I think July is the only time to visit actually. All joking aside, its a great city. I would probably live there if I didn't shiver when it drops below 79 degrees. Anyways, Audra told me that there were a few things she needed to do. 1) Eat a Chicago hot dog 2) Eat Chicago Pizza 3) Check out downtown. 4.) Im pretty sure were going to strongly consider seeing a cubs game. The Sox's are playing the cubs in one of the most heated cross town rivalries. I will die a happy man if we can swing that. More than that, were going to hang out with some of my favorite people, and be a part of a cool church gathering. *Side note the 4th of july is a week long in Chicago..kids are lighting fireworks for days.Should be fun.

Last weeks adventures

Josh Mason and I were walking through the neighborhood when a homeless dude asked us for money. He wanted a few bucks for some lunch, but I never feel comfortable giving cash to homeless guys. I just don't want to be doing more harm then good. Anyways, Josh and and I were on the way to get something to eat, so I invite him along for our lunch break. Quan, Josh, and I arranged the tables to create enough room for the both of us to eat outside. About the time a waiter was about to take our order when another homeless dude asked for a couple of bucks. Again I didn't feel good about giving out money, but I told him he could eat with us if he would talk with us. He eventually obliged, and there we were eating together. The waiter looked at us like we were crazy. I think those two are frequenters at Al's establishment. We munch down on some tasty pizza and Josh posed a question. He said, "Neil whats on your mind." Neil looked back in amazement. He said that no one has asked him that in six months. They both went on to explain that they felt like everyone else because they could sit without anxiety that they would be brushed away because today they are paying customers. Later on we connected back up for a community potluck. No one knew that Neil was homeless. He commented that the kids played with him, and weren't afraid of him. He looked over at me and said the comment that makes sense of my entire life. He said to me, I have felt human again. People have talked to me and you guys love me. This was just the beginning of our relationship. We have talked every other day since then. It's really cool to see our community ministering and love a guy that's trying to get back on his feet. It's fun to be a part of a community that is a part of God's kingdom making things right.

My ymca visit today

I was at the YMCA today and I was looking up at the wall and noticing all these contributors names written on their own personal banners. The banners signified that they were key people who donate to the y each year. I came across one and its said glory be to God instead of someone's name. I was thinking about the temptation of letting people know how good you are doing in the day to day. You know what I'm talking about. Its when you tell someone what your up to for God, or how spiritual you are. When I do that it has nothing to do with giving God glory, but it feels so good doesn't it? Gosh the deepest part of us needs to hear good job, we need more of your kind around. What enables you to not let people know what your given? A love for God? Maybe. Maybe its really to know that he already says good job, well done. You are faithful. I'm proud of you. I think then we can live not letting our left hand know what our right hand is doing. It would be powerful if we became consumed on letting people know how great God is instead of us. People know the difference.

Life update for my comrades

The Wedding was awesome! Some people said they saw me crying but it was just rain. It rained on my face before I walked up. I promise! We have been doing great! We are loving life. Work has been busy with landscaping and River City Church Internship. I will be adding College classes to the busyness of life along with campus ministry this fall. We are really excited about ministering to college students as a fellow college student. It provides a chance for me to be emersed in college life. I've done college ministry before, but this is really what I've always hoped I could do. We are believing for big things this fall. I love college students and all the challenges that come with it. Audra has been doing really well at her Riverside school. She is growing and learning so much. She inspires me how much she cares and pushes forward. Anyways, just a short one. Much love friends.


I got married and its great.

Mansions in Heaven?

Today I was working on a talk, and I was thinking of all the things I previously thought were givens at some point in my life. You know what they are..... They are the things you were told to believe and just believed them without even thinking. They range from anything like the belief in Santa Claus to purgatory. One of the ideas that struck me as funny today was the idea of mansions in heaven. I was thinking about my parents and Sunday school teachers telling me that when we get to heaven, we will all have our personal mansions. Really? Heaven will look like Queens harbor? I believe if you are banking on that, your going to be disappointed. Most of what is really enticing about that idea is that we will have no one to bother us, and well have the sweet stuff we dreamed of. This is just ridonkulus. If we are the bride, and Christ is the groom. We will be moving in to the place he has prepared for us before the world began. I believe we will be in a big Community house in the sky. Our normal issues of communal living wont be the same issues because we will be without sin. That might be the reason we like to be so alone day to day and we would like to imagine living in isolation in heaven. I guess some of that is my speculation. I really don't know what heaven will be like, but I think I can rule out being alone. Live life with people. It is better. Its more like heaven.

Jr's Sandwich Shop

My brother and I eat lunch together a couple times a week. Yesterday we thought it would be fun to see where our GPS took us for lunch. We ended up at a place called, Jr's Sandwich Shop, right off of Phillips. When we pulled up it was next to a pay by the hour hotel. The hotel attendant gave us the stink eye as we parked the car. Staying true to our pledge, we entered Jr's restaurant. When we walked into this place, it had forty ounce beverages, dish-washing detergent, and other misc. items in their glass fridge. The cook/waitress was surprised to see us, as we were the only people in the resturant for the entire hour. As we sat down, the napkin holder was a billboard for HIV awareness, complete with pamphlets on sexual abstinence. It didn't exactly create an atmosphere for a fun lunch. I found myself analyzing my life choices. This waitress was a hard worker, and she really proud of the food she made us. To be honest, it wasn't that great, but I admired her strength. It cant be easy, or safe to work where she does. She is a bit of hope to a dark area of town. I forget how rough most peoples lives are when I'm absorbed with whats going on with me. Jr's shop was a little reminder of what real struggle is. I couldn't help, but think of at least ten issues people right around us were dealing with when I sat down to eat. Right out of the window you can watch drug deals, prostitution, poverty, alcoholism, and HIV destroy this stretch of space. Then, I couldn't help but think of the solution. Only God can restore our city. I know him, and he has restored my life. What does that mean?

2218 park

If you didn't know, I've been living in a house with a bunch of people. They are really inspiring people. One is a writer, one is a student, a couple is a graphic/artist duo, and you have me sprinkled in there. Its was a big step of faith for us all, but it has been a good choice. The best part of it has been the lows. Our relational challenges have drawn us closer to God and each other. It has been really cool. There has been a few low points, but at the end of it, God brought us through. Recently one of the roommates scored a new job. The lows can be more extreme, but the highs are even higher. We celebrated yesterday like I got the job. I feel like I did, almost. Thats what it looks like to live a life together. I don't think you have to move in together to experience that. It may just happen a little quicker. Monday night we all made fun of the bachelor for an hour. That show is 10x funnier with a group of witty people. At any rate, its been so much fun. We always have something going down, or people stopping by. Last night I randomly ran into a friend at Publix that I have been trying to connect with. He stopped by for dinner in our backyard and met all of our friends. My hope is that our house becomes a safe place for everyone to just feel at home. I Sometimes feel like I'm in on this big secret that people just aren't aware of.

Reflections on the saddle

I don't know about you, but I identify with people who in the Bible who are cowards. I most of the time will try my hardest to appear that I'm fearless, but don't be fooled. I'm scared shitless. I've recently started to teach and lead again in our career ministry in Jacksonville. As I've been teaching I've never remembered having to be confronted with so much fear.I will admit that I'm not the best orator in the world. I have a hard time holding conversations most of the time. Often I wonder, why do I sign up to do something I'm not naturally good at? This past week was amazing for me because I was sub-par, and the Holy Spirit still showed up and people had encounters with God. As a group we are on a process of following Jesus I am included. It's amazing to see God helping me have right perspective and trust in his leading and move when I'm obedient. The pressure is slowly coming off me as I trust him more. I'm on the same Journey.

Baptism of Jesus

Waiting is a hard thing to do. The middle is never fun, but doing nothing can be just as faithful. I always want go, it feels good. Part of this is good. This is the way God made us. When heaven was perfect on earth, God gave Adam a job to do. He gave Adam something to accomplish because through this we worship God and experience his pleasure. He also, gave Adam a wife. Both of these can be jacked up when they are out of order. The waiting period is always revealing. God brews up all our mixed motives and its a great/brutal process where God uses our incontentment to make us aware of the hurting places he wants to heal.

Anyways, yesterday I was reading the story of Jesus's baptism, which must have been an amazing thing to witness. God rips open heaven, a dove flies out of it and God speaks to the world that this is his loved son in whom he is well please. This has always been a commissioning chapter in the Bible for me. I've always said yes, now hes going to lay the law down and shake the whole world up. As I read it again this week I was reminded of how God calls him a son before he does a thing. Wow!!! God is pleased with him just because of his relationship. For most of us thats the hardest thing to believe. Everyone of our other relationships seem to be opposite than this.

Jesus just lives out of this reality. He loves his father and just responds to his spirit over and over again. This week I was reminded while Jesus was God he was limited as a human. Even though he was fully human, God's spirit was what made him powerful. He just responded when God was moving like anyone of us can. It was a bit of a commissioning for me this week. As I'm taking steps out in faith again God lovingly told me that he is with me and he will do the "work." I'm a son, and he is the king. His burden is light and his yoke is easy. We will do even greater things than he did. His spirit is on us to preach and set free the captives.

On top of all of that I have a great team of people helping me launch, "the mix," our career ministry. God is doing great things in our city. I can't wait to see lives changed. Lets do this!

ICE CREAM

Today I was at Chick-Fila with my brother. I was wondering if people who hate God don't like to eat there. The whole time you are there, shout to the Lord is playing on repeat, the people who work there call you sir four hundred times and everyone is pretty clean cut. I'll have to admit that if I worshiped Satan I would still eat those tasty christian sandwiches. I still wondered how it made people feel. As I was standing in line this autistic kid was staring at his ice cream with passion and slowly licking his ice cream like it was from a scene of a dirty movie. Something mesmerized me about this little kid. I watched him with a big grin for about a minute. I think his mom even laughed at him because he was so in the moment. I mean, there could have been a nuclear blast ending life as we know it, and this kid would have been content. It reminded me about sweetness of life. I want to lick my ice cream cone and make people feel uncomfortable. I like how the least always teaches us what life is really about. I guess the last really is first.

Thank you

At times over the past couple years I've been so down and hurt. There was a time when it was hard to wake up, and even imagine finding joy again. I was in counseling today and tears where streaming down my face because of the gratitude of every person who sewed into me over the past couple of years. Those people are, Chad and Connie Runge, Brit and Nick Johnson, My mom and Dad, my Bro Quinn and Tara, John Stockman, Noah and Corrie Fletcher, Rodney Taylor, Johnathan Jones, Chance Craven, Jordan Bogart, Ryan Shelley, Dave Harder, and Dr. Greg. This is just a few of the people who were in the trenches with me, and today I was so overwhelmed by looking back on God's love pouring out of these people. Audra has been the most significant of them all. We met at a time when I was pretty angry still, and she just had a call from God to stick it out and love me through. I've experienced so much healing its exciting, and over the break we were able to celebrate victory. God came through! He always does. I'm engaged to an amazing woman who loves me like I never knew possible. April 9th will be about celebrating Gods faithfulness. He won it for us, and all you are apart of his plan to see that happen. We will celebrate together Gods amazing love and faithfulness! This is your victory too! Thank you for loving me and being a part of the story.

Update

Whats up friends?! Here is the latest juice on what happening recently. Its been a pretty busy month. We have been fixing drywall holes, painting, and moving into the house the we are starting our community in! The house was an old house that the church used for high school ministry, so it needed a little tlc. Today we have six more cans of paint coming in, and well be ready to move in next week! We haven't moved in yet, and God is beginning to people into our path that need our help. It's pretty exciting to me that God would trust us with people. There will be more on this in the future, but for now we will leave it at that. It's been a couple of years being back here in Jax, and God has been faithful to bring people alongside of us that Audra and I really connect with. Its so great to have good friends again that we can share life with. That has been an answer to prayer for us. Great relationships don't happen over night, and its been hard to leave such a great network of friends into a place where I have had to start over, but God is so good to make things right..always. He never lets me down no matter how bad I doubt. God is so good in the details of life. It really been a process of letting go of control that has been so freeing. That is it for now. Big news coming up...get ready.

God keeps straightening things out.

As, I started my journey of healing I felt absolutely clueless as what most of my trials where about. More than what they were about, what does it say about God? I would say I had a list of 15 questions I had been probing God for. It wasn't really a relational questioning. It was more of an interrogation. Despite my bad heart God has answered most everyone of them. Last week I was praying at church ,during ministry time, and I had a vision of God taking me into the past of a hurtful time period. Jesus was weeping in the past, and he told me that he was sorry. Then, someone came up to me and said that they had a vision that God had me on the pottery wheel. In the clay was glass, and as he had been forming me he it was hurting him. This was such an amazing confirmation of the answer God had given me.It has been so hard to understand in my heart that God wasn't indifferent to my pain until I had the Holy Spirit reveal it to me. In my head I get it, but my heart doesn't get it sometimes. If this wasn't enough, I was like God just to be sure, if this is you.. confirm it again. Then, I saw a vivid vision of a lighthouse. Immediately, I walked out of the building and went for a walk. I walked over the sand dunes and as I was praying I saw a flash of light! What was it?! It was a lighthouse! Just like the vision! It's so amazing the depths that God goes to rescue my heart. He daily is redeeming my heart day by day, and its so worth it. I would go through all that ten times for the experience I have with God, and the blessing God has given me. God is so relentless.

After the kingdom

My girlfriend Audra has been the biggest blessing of my life. I wont make you throw up in your mouth…I will spare you this, but I’ve been learning a bit about community though our relationship. Recently it has been fun to watch God use us together. We have been coming closer as God has been using us to love on people. It happened a couple weeks ago when we went to a friend’s house to catch up for a bit. The conversation began to get authentic. She picked up on it and was able to spend time with his kid. Because she is so selfless we were able to go deeper and pray through things. This may seem basic, but I see God in these little details more and more. That conversation never would have been able to happen if she wasn’t with me. Similarly, this weekend the same thing happened in reverse, because I was there she could be used more effectively. So most of you know I’ve been plugging into a church that has been really good for me. I mean every bit of it has been redeeming my view on church. One thing that I have been lacking is deep relationships. Its great when you are at church and you worship and everything, but community doesn’t happen there. Its just not the place for it, too much is going on. I’ve had such a good experience with community in my experiences in Chicago that it kind of sets you up for failure. Nevertheless, I’ve desired more, almost the point where I was getting bent out of shape about it. I’ve been putting community at the center of everything I have been trying to come to. I think I have had things backwards. Even in my relationship with my lady, we have often been the focus. As we shifted focus from our needs and dreams to what God is up to, things have been snapping together. Its cool that as we are going on mission together we are becoming more intimate with each other, more in need of God, and having more fun than ever before! I’m not seeing that just in my dating relationship, but my relationship with my peers. I have had a great heart for Riverside, and as I’ve been after reaching it, God has brought together people with similar hearts to reach out to it. We have an awesome opportunity to move into a big house together. Everyone has different gifts and personalities, but again the common factor is that everyone has a desire to see heaven come to riverside. Again, we are so excited as we are adventuring into new territory. I know this experience is going to be nothing like anything I’ve experienced. I think this is what Jesus is talking about when he says, “first seek my kingdom, and righteousness and everything will be added to you.” Life to the full might look a lot different than you expected, but its so worth stepping out. Honestly, there are a lot of fears, and things you can’t control about living with people you don’t know very well. What about all the people that we are going to come into our house that are going to come with issues and questions I can’t answer or deal with? More common than not Jesus continually is calling me out of control, and comfort into a place dependence. The mission and community around me are all leading me to deal with all of my heart issues. I hope I’m this gung ho about it when I have to face them. Its so hard for me to let go of everything I've been taught of independence, job security, and 401k, but when I do.... life has taste again, and simple things are fun.

Ill post photos of the house and lifemates soon. I'm trying to come up with a term for roomates that doesn't give a bad connotation. :)

A long one, but a good one Part 2.

So I start doing the leadership program, but I have some serious baggage coming into ministry. I have this clear call to start working for at River City, but my heart is freaked out every step of the way. Honestly, as the time approaches I’m hoping something else comes along so I can dodge it. I used to be the sort of person that loved talking to new people, and would adventure into strange places and find God doing incredible things. So, as I start my training along with this is a two-year track studying community, theology, the first week focus is a reminder about living your life in response to love shown as worship to God. I feel this crazy fear rise up. I say, “God if I give you my life, it’s going to hurt me.” Without going into details, this is what I feel like everyday for over two years. I’m horrified to worship God because it might screw me up. So the ball starts unraveling. The next day, someone had a vision of a tower being pushed over and God forming new bricks and building a bigger tower than before on a new foundation. I thought that it was on the money. I prayed through it throughout the weekend, and I felt God was in the middle of something. Then, that Tuesday we have the Holy Spirit throw down. The Holy Spirit throw down is for the staff every Tuesday. This is when we crank music, turn down the lights, and go before God anyway we want. As the music was blaring, I went to God with all my junk. I’m saying, God why are you calling me to do something I’m afraid of? As soon as I ask, I see this vivid picture of two hands. One hand has a shovel and is putting down mortar on a foundation, and the other hand is a brick. As soon as the hand slams down I feel Gods love rush over me and my wounds heal. This started on my birthday, and over the next three days I saw God move like never before. I found myself in places ministering without fear in the power of the Spirit like I never thought. One of these instances I shook because God showed up. My body has never reacted like this to the presence of God before. I seriously thought I was going to have a heart attack. So God keeps unraveling my heart. It’s so fun to be on the journey. It’s never going to stop and I’m slowly realizing it.

A long one, but a good one.

That’s what I would say about this past month in particular along with the past year behind me. It’s hard to really put my finger on it exactly, but there have been significant moments I’d like to share. The ball started rolling one day at our church gathering. At our gathering prayer ministry is just part of every meeting. It’s been a relief to me that I can wander up there every service and receive prayer. I found that my heart is like space, the more you know, the more you realize you don’t know. We are all messed up forever, and forever we are in the pursuit of being made whole again. We wont be perfect until we meet Jesus face to face, but the begins the work now. You don’t have to be ashamed to be in need. There isn’t a place where it is basically finished. We are always on the hunt for more of God, and less of our brokenness. So I come up there with a lot of questions. God if this is it, take me now. That’s where I was at to give you a bit of insight. I’ve been really hurt by my ex, and all I can do is think about how much that sucked, and bitterness is consuming all of my relationships. It surfaces because I was having a hard time even being thankful for love that God is blessing me with at that point in time. I got up there, then I leave completely different. I felt God come in and overwhelm me with his love. It was just miraculous. I went God here is crap, and he exchanged it for Gold. So later on the next day I’m sharing this story with my brother. I told him it was awesome that I’ve come to a place of forgiveness and healing toward my ex. Then in the same sentence I mentioned that it was weird that since all this went down, my ex I and I haven’t bumped into each other and that it probably wasn’t the right time. What happened next?.....You guessed it, she walked in. Over the course of the next two days, we ended up reconnecting and were able to put things to rest, and I was able to apologize and burry the hatched as they say. As the conversation went on, we talked like old friends again. Every part of this is amazing. Just the fact that could talk to here is crazy in itself. I’m telling this story because I feel like this story should be told because its God’s story. He deserves the credit. He is writing this amazing story, and I get to tell it.

So next, I’m struggling with what’s next in my life. God why have you taken me through all of this to be living in Palatka F.L.? One night I went out or beers with the worship guys at our church, and yes I said beers. At every church gathering there is beer. They even have a beer fridge at the church. This is not typical of the south, and I was happy to find my people here in Florida. Anyhow, the guy I was meeting with said, that as he was coming to meet up with me that he heard God say that he was supposed to help see me lead again, and that he would help me get back on my feet. The two men I met with started telling me that they saw God moving and that they believed in me. For some reason, I’ve been floating alone for a year in a half with no help. I’ve been desperately search for help, but with no avail. It was water to someone in the dessert. I wept like 13 year old girl. It was slightly embarrassing, but a sign God was on the move. If some of you don’t know me, If I cry, God is moving. From there I get plugged into a leadership training program here at our church, and the moved me into a house with some awesome people. Their names are Rich and Mindy. They happened to have an awesome band, check them out. http://richandmindy.bandcamp.com/ .
Community is something that is closed to their hearts and mine as well. It was a great fit. Since then, things have really taken off. I read a report recently on heart research. It researched heart disease when people where in community versus when people took medicine. Amazingly community is just as powerful as people who had taken medicine! I found this to be true for me. I felt like I have been pushed out of the ruts I’ve been stuck in. I could write a book, but ill stop here. Every time I think, man its complete, he amazes me again. He brings more healing , more love, more of his spirit. Its exciting to see where God is around the next corner. Healing happens in community. Receive love from God and people and you and the world will never be the same.