God keeps straightening things out.

As, I started my journey of healing I felt absolutely clueless as what most of my trials where about. More than what they were about, what does it say about God? I would say I had a list of 15 questions I had been probing God for. It wasn't really a relational questioning. It was more of an interrogation. Despite my bad heart God has answered most everyone of them. Last week I was praying at church ,during ministry time, and I had a vision of God taking me into the past of a hurtful time period. Jesus was weeping in the past, and he told me that he was sorry. Then, someone came up to me and said that they had a vision that God had me on the pottery wheel. In the clay was glass, and as he had been forming me he it was hurting him. This was such an amazing confirmation of the answer God had given me.It has been so hard to understand in my heart that God wasn't indifferent to my pain until I had the Holy Spirit reveal it to me. In my head I get it, but my heart doesn't get it sometimes. If this wasn't enough, I was like God just to be sure, if this is you.. confirm it again. Then, I saw a vivid vision of a lighthouse. Immediately, I walked out of the building and went for a walk. I walked over the sand dunes and as I was praying I saw a flash of light! What was it?! It was a lighthouse! Just like the vision! It's so amazing the depths that God goes to rescue my heart. He daily is redeeming my heart day by day, and its so worth it. I would go through all that ten times for the experience I have with God, and the blessing God has given me. God is so relentless.

After the kingdom

My girlfriend Audra has been the biggest blessing of my life. I wont make you throw up in your mouth…I will spare you this, but I’ve been learning a bit about community though our relationship. Recently it has been fun to watch God use us together. We have been coming closer as God has been using us to love on people. It happened a couple weeks ago when we went to a friend’s house to catch up for a bit. The conversation began to get authentic. She picked up on it and was able to spend time with his kid. Because she is so selfless we were able to go deeper and pray through things. This may seem basic, but I see God in these little details more and more. That conversation never would have been able to happen if she wasn’t with me. Similarly, this weekend the same thing happened in reverse, because I was there she could be used more effectively. So most of you know I’ve been plugging into a church that has been really good for me. I mean every bit of it has been redeeming my view on church. One thing that I have been lacking is deep relationships. Its great when you are at church and you worship and everything, but community doesn’t happen there. Its just not the place for it, too much is going on. I’ve had such a good experience with community in my experiences in Chicago that it kind of sets you up for failure. Nevertheless, I’ve desired more, almost the point where I was getting bent out of shape about it. I’ve been putting community at the center of everything I have been trying to come to. I think I have had things backwards. Even in my relationship with my lady, we have often been the focus. As we shifted focus from our needs and dreams to what God is up to, things have been snapping together. Its cool that as we are going on mission together we are becoming more intimate with each other, more in need of God, and having more fun than ever before! I’m not seeing that just in my dating relationship, but my relationship with my peers. I have had a great heart for Riverside, and as I’ve been after reaching it, God has brought together people with similar hearts to reach out to it. We have an awesome opportunity to move into a big house together. Everyone has different gifts and personalities, but again the common factor is that everyone has a desire to see heaven come to riverside. Again, we are so excited as we are adventuring into new territory. I know this experience is going to be nothing like anything I’ve experienced. I think this is what Jesus is talking about when he says, “first seek my kingdom, and righteousness and everything will be added to you.” Life to the full might look a lot different than you expected, but its so worth stepping out. Honestly, there are a lot of fears, and things you can’t control about living with people you don’t know very well. What about all the people that we are going to come into our house that are going to come with issues and questions I can’t answer or deal with? More common than not Jesus continually is calling me out of control, and comfort into a place dependence. The mission and community around me are all leading me to deal with all of my heart issues. I hope I’m this gung ho about it when I have to face them. Its so hard for me to let go of everything I've been taught of independence, job security, and 401k, but when I do.... life has taste again, and simple things are fun.

Ill post photos of the house and lifemates soon. I'm trying to come up with a term for roomates that doesn't give a bad connotation. :)